coy fish

coy. koi. coy fish.

coy — adjective. affecting shyness or modesty; reluctant to give details, especially about something regarded as sensitive.

koi — noun. ornamental, domesticated fish, prized for color and grace, kept for pleasure rather than purpose.

she is not a guest. she is a roommate.

that's the only way to describe what it's like to build a giant koi fish costume in a tiny studio apartment. the frame alone (PEX-B plumbing pipe and joints, hand-cut to size) takes up the kitchen. she lives there for weeks before the parade. sedentary. patient.

unwieldy is a generous word for what she is on the F train. Ana guided the tail through the subway doors the way ground crew brings a plane in for landing. both arms up. reading distance. calling the turn before the turn was needed.

mermaid parade. coney island. june 2018.

over the frame: spandex, several kinds, and hand-cut hand-sewn fish scales (each one a small heart). purple disco ball ornaments for the eyes. kebab skewers for the spines of the fins. mirror tile glued to a human face with eyelash adhesive. two scales worn on my head like a fascinator in the same way certain flowers learn to mimic the very thing they're trying to attract. close enough to pass. close enough to belong. a small fish swimming in the shadow of something bigger.